where grace, grit & giggles began

Today marks one month since my mom passed away. Some days, it feels like it just happened last night. Other days, it feels like it’s been years.

Over the years, my mom made so many comments, especially in the last five, that I should start a blog. She always said I needed a space to share the incredible blessings I’ve received. I’ve thought about her words a lot lately, and today, one month since she left us, felt like the perfect time to just start.

I’ve always enjoyed sharing pieces of my life, especially when it came to encouraging other women in fitness and health. Over time, my focus shifted toward family, especially after meeting my husband, Ron, and having our beautiful twin boys. I’ve never been one to post about the hard stuff. My posts were usually upbeat and encouraging. But the truth is, life isn’t always that way. It’s full of trials and messy, unfiltered moments.

Part of me never wanted to show the hard times because I didn’t want people to see me struggle or fail. But that’s not real life, and lately, I’ve learned that being honest about the pain is part of healing. I’m not sure how long I’ll keep up with this blog, but I’m starting it in honor of my sweet and precious mom.

We’re also just a couple of days or weeks away from welcoming our baby girl into the family. We’re so excited to meet her and see how she fits into our big family and our huge village. Still, I would be lying if I said I haven’t felt bitter toward God. Losing my mom when I was eight months pregnant, with two almost-two-year-olds running around, has been incredibly hard.

Grief is wild. There’s no pattern to it. Some days, I’m doing fine, and then out of nowhere, it hits me. Sometimes it’s while watching a movie with my boys and my husband, feeling grateful and content, and suddenly, the thought of my mom not being here to see them grow up hits me like a wave. It hurts knowing they won’t get to experience having a “Gamma.” Those moments leave me angry, confused, and, honestly, distant from God.

But most days, I push through. I remind myself that my mom is free now, no longer in pain, and that she’s watching over me. I like to think she’s my guardian angel, guiding me through this new season of motherhood and grief.

When I chose the name grace, grit & giggles, it was because those three things have carried me this past month. The grace I’ve felt from God, even when I’ve questioned Him. The grit it takes to keep going when the world doesn’t stop for you. And the giggles, the pure, chaotic laughter from my boys, that remind me there is still joy in every day.